On the Other Side of the Curtain

An Introduction to Straddlers

This essay is part of an evolving series examining 'Straddlers'–an exploration of individuals navigating the textured realities of social mobility. Please read the other essays for broader context.

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As my mother exited the bathroom of my Boston apartment, her eyes lingered on my shower curtain. It wasn't just any curtain - it was a beautiful, ruffled, finely textured piece from Anthropologie. "I love the shower curtain. How much was that?" she asked, her voice a mix of awe and motherly curiosity.

I hesitated. Revealing the price of a piece of bathroom decor would suddenly expose this new world I inhabited - one we hadn't discussed and that I hadn't fully acknowledged myself. It was a place very distant from where I was raised. I imagined her potential reactions, ranging from shock to misunderstanding, each scenario filling me with an overriding sense of shame.

I had just landed my first "big girl" job and started indulging in things I had always aspired to. Everyone who had invested in my success shared these aspirations, but would they understand as they slowly materialized?

This wasn't just about the cost of a shower curtain. It was about values, choices, and what it meant to be the kind of person who could afford a few hundred dollars for bathroom decor. The price, unremarkable in my new life, would seem outrageous to her. My mother's inquiry served as a gut check, a way to see if I was still the person she thought I was. Something had changed, and we both instinctively knew it. And in that moment, I politely dodged the question. But at that moment I realized I was a Straddler.

Who are Straddlers?

Straddlers are individuals who have risen beyond their original socioeconomic circumstances, navigating the complex terrain between their roots and newly attained status. They might be the first in their family to walk across a college stage, or a first generation American whose artwork now graces the walls of prestigious museums. Though their journeys differ, all Straddlers share a common thread: they are the bridge-builders between worlds, their feet planted in two soils.

In their original environment, Straddlers experience a sense of displacement, struggling to reconcile their evolved worldview with familiar norms. In their new setting, they may feel like outsiders, never quite settled. This dual displacement challenges their sense of identity and belonging. Straddlers embody the tension between achievement and roots, constantly adapting to bridge the gap between their past and present. This journey reveals the emotional complexities of social mobility.

The Straddler experience is marked by several key challenges:

1. Evolving family dynamics: Straddlers often face changing relationships with family members and friends, including shifts in power dynamics, expectations, and responsibilities. This might include becoming a financial resource for family and navigating new boundaries.

2. Guilt and pride: Grappling with complex emotions about their success, especially when family or old friends continue to struggle.

3. Authenticity vs. adaptation: Balancing the need to fit into new environments. Straddlers often find themselves caught between conflicting sets of values and priorities from their old and new worlds.

4. A hidden curriculum: Mastering the subtle social cues, conversation topics, and behavioral norms of their new social class.

5. Managing expectations: Both from their original community (who may expect continued cultural adherence) and their new peers (who may have assumptions about their background or capabilities).

6. Language of money: Learning to navigate financial discussions and unspoken rules of wealth in different social circles.

7. Identity reconciliation: Integrating past and present selves to create a cohesive sense of identity.

Small Moments, Big Truths

This isn't really a story about a shower curtain. It's about people like me - Straddlers - who find themselves caught between two worlds. This seemingly minor interaction unveiled a profound truth, setting me on a path of discovery about this layered life experience. In conversations with other Straddlers, I found a common thread: everyday moments, often seemingly benign, can stir up unexpected internal conflicts as we navigate the tensions between our past and present. The Straddler experience crystallizes in these gaps, in the space between where we're from and where we've arrived. Over time, these small but significant moments accumulate, gradually shaping a new identity that bridges both worlds.

At its core, Straddlers is about giving voice to a powerful yet often unexamined aspect of the social mobility story — the profound psychological and emotional dimensions of class transition. It's about affirming that the challenges Straddlers face are real, shared, and worthy of exploration.

Through this work, my writing seeks to spark a new kind of conversation about class, one that moves beyond the numbers and statistics and grapples with the human experiences that underlie them. It aims to provide a vocabulary and a framework for understanding this increasingly common yet under-discussed journey.

Ultimately, Straddlers is about empowering those who are living this reality, offering them a sense of community and a roadmap for navigating the complexities of their journey. At the same time, it's about inviting all of us to think more deeply about the hidden contours of class in America and what it really means to move up in the world. How does social mobility reshape our identities and relationships? What are the unseen costs of crossing class boundaries? How do we navigate the unwritten social rules of a new class while staying true to ourselves? And perhaps most importantly, how can the Straddler experience help us build a more nuanced understanding of social mobility?

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Thank you to everyone who helped shape this essay: Vidhika Bansal, David Kyle Choe, Holyn Kanke, Rachel Victoria Madrigal, Kris Sanford, Kuriakin Zeng